It would surprise my selfie-loving peers that on a breath-taking Spanish holiday, with plenty photo opportunity on a remote beach in Menorca, the frame of my mind is the thought of unhappiness. Don’t get me wrong. It’s hard to be unhappy with the Spanish summer shining down upon you, with Oreo ice-cream in your hands and the Mediterranean sea at your feet. But reality is never far away and neither is an episode of The View. For those confused, this is an American talk show, with four opinionated female specimens discussing women’s “issues” in awkward and sometimes forced camaraderie. This week’s topic I discovered: Why Are Women Unhappy?
I guess to start with, denial by all partiers present of their own unhappiness (which was not the question, ladies) makes me realize that this isn’t the forthcoming and open-minded group for mental health discussions. Women definitely are often unhappy. You know that, I know that and so does the world wide web. According the internet, apparently with the sample study of American women (who appear to have the most social freedom), happiness for women is on the down low. Basically, we have no chill.
So, why you may ask? Well, in summary of the excessive studies I have read and my humble and slightly tipsy expertise: we are unhappy because we have too much choice, too much transition and too much of a certain type of complex.
Too Much Elección (Choice)
From the shade of MAC lipsticks to the three hundred Tinder matches, I present you the paradox of choice. We have been told over and over again that choice is good for you, little dove. Though logically and socially compelling this isn’t always the case, people. With increased choice comes increased anxiety. Take Serena Van Der Woodsen for example (fictional character who likes to date around). Serena is a drop dead stunner, her online dating inbox is as full as my mouth stuffed with food on a Friday night but Serena is hardly content and never really ready to “settle”. You see what we did there, Serena? Increased choices equaled more regrets for the “ones who got away” or more self blame for the paths we didn’t take. All this bloody opportunity cost looping on our minds because we played around with too much choice that killed the satisfaction of simplicity.
Too Much Transición (Transition)
A lot of talk about women’s happiness and gender roles online is like gossip in a Punjabi household. Like Punjabi aunties, other sophisticated aunties online think that women are unhappy because of too much feminism. Now, now, now, lets rationalise this like a boss. Feminism is not about the central subject of happiness. There is nothing happy about fighting for equal pay, stricter laws against rape and gender discrimination. I think where you could associate
feminism (if you try really hard) or puberty is perhaps for the change in mindset from a girl to a woman where suddenly a "woman" is now trapped in her own expectation of constantly having to stay strong and thriving. This change in the craving for more and more with age is the escalation of expectations that leads to the anxiety of not enough action. Plus, with the change in gender roles over the years has also lead us to believe our men are required to do less and less for us. You & I have put too much expectations on ourselves to work around the clock on our hustles, not be "emotional" or "hormonal" in public, open the door for ourselves and look good while doing it. It's a trap. The secret to happiness was always low expectations and girl like vulnerability and willingness to be awe-struck, dumbfounded and swept of your feet.
A feminist can be strong and feminine. You don't have to be one or the either. Fuck rules.
Too Much Complejidad (Complexity)
Oops another new age trap. Another burden of the modern woman: The Superwoman Syndrome. This ties back to the changing of gender roles, feminism and yada-yada. This ties back to where "we" (also known as evil voices in our head) want a woman to be a corporate powerhouse and also cook the perfect dinner for her perfect family. NO. STOP. WRONG. Men could help out more, we could strive for more work-life balance but until you and I stop with this bullshit of competing for "the-best -homemaker-who-is-also-a-milf-and-also-a-millionaire" award we will continue to make life difficult for ourselves. Lets accept all women for what they are and not penalize them for the choices they make. My grandma was a housewife and a great cook, my mom is a business woman and can't cook, my housekeeper is a business woman and cooks some bomb ass food. I accept all their awesomeness equally.