Before I fell in love with my delicious boyfriend who treats me like the midnight piece of chocolate he has been craving, I was your regular side chick with an attraction towards deprivation
. Yes, it’s a whole real psychological shindig, people. There is some meaning behind why you and I like them bad boys and girls.
Basically, unfortunately, most of us in our twenties get attracted towards a person who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood. Bummer, right? Our psyche is trying to recreate the uncomfortable past in order to change the ending with these people who aim to hurt and avoid you. We are drawn to people who embody the worst emotional characteristics of our parents or those terrible childhood peers. The past is that sexy thing you and I find attractive about the bad boys, the unavailable, the rotten apples because we want to change it for the betterment of us.
Now don’t jump up on me with your positivity bandwagon (because I am already on it). The whole problem is not when we are wide awake and aware, we are consciously trying to love people who are positive and Drake but our unconscious mind still draws us to qualities which hurt us the most as children. Example: Not having enough freedom as a child and then being attracted to risk-takers and rule breakers. Or being ill-fated with poor finances when you were young and then laying the arms of a cocaine addict as his a mistress. It's not you, it's your unresolved psyche and daddy issues.
This kinda explains that particular physical or personality types that no matter how hard you try to resist, unleash a sad and desperate part of you. They become that iconic unfulfilled romance triggering all sorts of insecurities and seismic longings within us. So to avoid the trap of bad boys and that of people who hurt you like One Direction’s breakup, date deeply and ask yourself what do I really like about this person?
Do they have the traits of deprivation that I am attracted to and if yes then what are my alternative gifts and greatest points that get minimized and neglected in relationships like this? These gifts lie at the cutting edge of our growth and fabulousness. These are the qualities in your personality that you need to embrace, express and mostly protect like Winter Is Coming. So it's imperative you choose people who honour and treasure your gifts as well.
Remember, relationships should be inspiration not deprivation.